It's now been just over four years since I began the journey of honesty and integrity in affirming my sexuality. Again and again, that journey has strengthened my soul and sharpened my faith. It has brought me into deeper relationships with many people, relationships that would not have been possible with the kind of wounded heart that closeted life produces. But it has also, in a few instances, cost me dear friendships, with people for whom I care greatly; fortunately these have been few in number.
One of the sorriest episodes, as many of you know, involved the loss-of-relationship with someone I once considered a soul-mate - and never can again. Recently, it appeared that some possibility of reconciliation was possible, and against my skeptical instincts, I jumped. NOT, however, without upholding the peace God and I have made, through prayer and scriptures, with respect to my sexuality:
"If there is to be new relationship...you must commit to accept me totally, just as God does, just as I am, without reservation. That doesn't mean you have to like every part of me, agree with every part of me, approve of every thing I do, or don't challenge any part of me. But it does mean that when it comes to the (relatively small) set I define as The Deepest Parts of My Being, you will never ask me to justify, defend, or apologize for them - God doesn't ask that of me, and neither will you.
"I am a beloved child of God, made in God's image and molded in God's love. It is my deepest being to love others as a mere reflection of God's love. And one portion of that love - a portion which God blesses with holiness through intimacy - I direct towards men and not women. I have brought this before God, earnestly prayed for God to show me the right path, opened my heart and asked God to guide it. God has NOT seen fit to change how my heart loves - and God has shown me how to love.
"To the end of my days I will explore, experience, and express being gay as a gracious gift of God, worthy of thanks and worshipful witness. God commands us to love as God loves us, and being gay is but one part of the specific obedience God demands from this specific child of God. That's not changing - ever. So you're gonna have to commit to grow and change with respect to my being gay, before I can trust you again. Maybe that's something that seems fearful for you - so you can turn to God's love to help you face that fear. Turn to God's love for help embracing me as God does, just as I am, without trying to change me. God will lovingly wait as long as it takes, and so will I."
This is where four years have brought me, and I will stand by this manifesto to the end. But I will never forget - never be allowed to forget - the dear price it cost. In order to discern a right response to my stand, my friend sought the advice of those he considers trustworthy advisors. Their guidance* (see note at bottom) was both all-too-familiar and viscerally disgusting:
-----------
"It appears that he's saying that you only get to come to him again when you agree with him and his sexuality. If the damage done in the earlier encounter was really bad you may either never get to witness to him again by having damaged your witness earlier.It may also be that there's nothing you could do or say anyway if this is where your friend is at. God can still do something in this man's life but the way you describe what happened chances are pretty good it won't be through you, not for a while at least. Pray for him and that's about it. I've been in a situation similar to this and in my case it took ten years to re-establish contact." (Post a comment)
-----------
"Wow. What a tough situation. I think its great that you have reached out to him. I have a couple of thoughts......It seems like he is using his homosexuality as a friendship-trump card. If it were a different issue, he might more easily see the immaturity of that. If, for example, he was saying "The Raiders are the best football team ever and I wont be your friend unless you accept that part of me that loves the Raiders, and accepting that part of me, means that you too will agree that you love the Raiders" But what if you don't love the Raiders? If the friendship ended over that issue, it is not you who ended it. He ended it by setting up a ridiculous condition to friendship. If he is going to embrace his homosexuality (and believes God does too) that is one thing, and you will need to decide if you want to deal with that.....but for him to say that it is never to be questioned, then he is not willing to step into true friendship with you. Does that make sense? (Post a comment)
I had the same situation with a very dear friend. Here's the deal:
First, he is an unbeliever so you have no fellowship with him.
1 Corinthians 7:9 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.Second, you can argue forever but he has a reprobate mind of rebellion.
I John 3:4 Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. 5 But you know that he appeared so that he might take away our sins. And in him is no sin. 6 No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him. 7 Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray. He who does what is right is righteous, just as he is righteous. 8 He who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work. 9 No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God. 10 This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not a child of God; nor is anyone who does not love his brother.
Romans 1:18 The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19 since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20 For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature--have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. 21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles. 24 Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25 They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator--who is forever praised. Amen. 26 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. 28 Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. 29 They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30 slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32 Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.Third, his terms are that you agree with him, or to say it another way that you sin also and join him in sin and Satan as the center of your "fellowship". God will judge and curse you if you do.
Jeremiah Isaiah [sic] 5:20 Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweetFourth, if he were confessing to being a non-Christian you could love and evangelize him. If he were a struggling Christian you could come alongside to love and aid him. But, since he claims to be a believer you must accept that at this point you must part.
and sweet for bitter.
I Corinthians 5:9 I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people-- 10 not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. 11 But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat. 12 What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? 13 God will judge those outside. "Expel the wicked man from among you."In conclusion, God has handed him over to Satan and his lusts and you should to[o]. And, you can pray that he comes to repentance - but accept that false prophets rarely do.
I am praying for the both of you: him, for mercy on God's part, and that God would send this child onto his butt and make him THINK about his supposed revelation from God. And you, for grace, mercy, and a firm, unwavering stand on the scripture. His stand seems to be more on personal revelation than any educated view of the scriptures." (Post a comment)
-----------
"...you can love him as Christ loves the world. You can tell him that you do love him and that you always will, and that you love him because he is a person made in the image of God. BUT, sin is still sin, and as sure [as] he is that will never change, which may or may not be the case, the Bible will always call sin sin. So, if he wants you to love him as a gay person - that can be done. But what he is doing is immoral, and to become a pastor promoting his sin as Godly makes him worthy of having a millstone tied around his neck and thrown into the the sea. He is leading other young men and women into accepting sin as normal.He is still demanding acceptance. This is the silent cry of the gay person, and his hard stance shows his desperation, not his white-washed self confidence. I pray for his repentance, and for him to seek forgiveness and acceptance from the Christ that died for that which he is so proud of. May God have mercy on him." (Post a comment)
-----------
But by far the coup de grace was his ratification of these views:"I want the friendship back, too (really, I do). I wouldn't have sent my first e-mail if I didn't. But what I want, or feel, is irrelevant; I'm not about to build doctrine and/or theology around it. Satan exists - and he has an elegant way of twisting scripture (see Gen 3) as he masquerades as an angel of light (2 Cor 11:14). The Bible/God demands that I let you go to your rebellion, even if I don't want to....
And as painful as it may seem - I do agree with those "outrageous comments" - as they are all biblically referenced and accurate, especially the one about "fellowship." But they are not my desire for your/our future.
Repent...this is my prayer for you. This means turning around from your rebellion and running toward God. I have to do this everyday with my own sin. I know you know I'm saying this because I love you; as you were right in the assessment of our disparate paradigms. Similarly, I understand you think I'm a hateful, brain-washed nutjob -- but you love me (looking out for my best interest) by trying to get me to accept your active homosexuality as sin-free. This I cannot do.[...]" (Post a comment)
-----------
Never before have I felt in my bones so strongly words of Dietrich Bonhoeffer: all that is left to us is prayer and righteous action.* NOTE: It is strenuously my policy on this blog to respect the privacy of others and to uphold a standard of confidentiality that seeks to prevent harm to others insofar as can be reasonably and appropriately expected (see my policy); naturally this extends to email, which can involve communication of a very personal nature. In the instant case, however, these commitments must be weighed against another commitment: naming oppression and injustice as and for what they are, and resisting them in every way possible. A fundamental and persistent violence done to glbt people and queers takes the form of being silenced and being made invisible. Therefore, in balancing these interests - privacy and resistance - the latter must here prevail. Not to share these words would allow those who write them the very power which is precisely a primary basis for the oppression and soul-death of glbt people and queers. Moreover, that I am the intended object of these words further lessens the privacy claim. Finally, not to share them in this case would itself be complicit in further violence to queers and glbt people everywhere. Given that the balance tips in favor of resistance, I have nevertheless taken care to remove any elements that would allow immediate identification of the parties involved. In this way the highest possible privacy claim can be respect that is still subordinate to the claim of resistance.
No comments:
Post a Comment